Casual Discussions
by Liette Rosencrest
Summary: CloudxLeon. Leon just doesn't understand those wacky neck ties. Chapter Two is for Leon's Birthday. Rated M for crude language, the best kind of language there is.
1. Where Does The Peanut Butter Go?

Title: Casual Discussions

Pairing: LeonxCloud

Written by: Meru Caldera

The only thing I own is Chocobo Charlie and Cactuar Cathy. They ran away though, so I don't even have them.

This is a drabble for Cloud's birthday. Sorry it's five days late. I suck.

I do already have a story ready for Leon's birthday though! I wrote it last month without even realizing it would be a perfect birthday Fic for him.

Please enjoy.

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Leon looked up from his plate of waffles and across the table to Cloud, who was eating his own serving of the delicious breakfast foods.

"So," Leon started, quickly gaining his blond boyfriend's attention. "I was listening to the Chocobo Charlie and Cactuar Cathy radio show last night, while you were taking a nap."

Cloud looked up from his plate, raising an eyebrows. "You listen to that drivel?"

"Sometimes. And it's not drivel," Leon defended. "Anyway, they started discussing the perverted things people do with their dogs."

"What?" Cloud was always amazed at the casual manner in which Leon could mention of discuss things like this.

"Yeah. Women and Men smear peanut butter on their bits, and have dogs lick it off. Which struck me as odd, I wouldn't have guessed dogs like peanut butter."

"Really, Leon? Is that really the part that struck you as odd?"

"Well, yeah. You would think dogs wouldn't like peanut butter." He set his fork down, and pushed his now cleared plate to the side. "I was thinking."

Uh-oh! Cloud's mind yelled. "Yeah?" He asked slowly, as if attempting to navigate through a verbal mine field.

"If dogs like peanut butter, wolves must too."

Cloud pushed his own cleared plate aside, fixing Leon with a look. "What are you getting at?"

"Well, Cloud, do you have a special fondness for peanut butter?"

"I'm not an actual wolf, Leon."

"If I dipped my dick in some peanut butter, would you lick it off?" He asked bluntly. He had never had to resort to such things to get Cloud to lick him, he was just curious. He also just loved conversations like this.

"Well, what if I put milk on my cock, would you lap that up, Kitty?" Cloud shot back. Fuck, the thought of Leon lapping milk out of his lap was making him hard. Infuriatingly enough, the brunet didn't seem to be having the same problem. Leon was so casual and open about things like this, he might as well have been discussing the weather.

Leon thought about the question for a moment. "Can it be chocolate milk?"

Cloud stood up and took his plate to the sink. "This conversation is over."

"Strawberry milk?" Leon tried again.

As Cloud rinsed his plate off, he swore that he would take a hammer to every radio in the house.

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Umm, there may be more chapters. I have gone over other discussions in my head. I'm not so sure though. 

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read. Please review and tell me if you enjoyed it or not.


	2. Neck Ties

Title: Casual Discussions

Chapter: Two

Pairing: LeonxCloud

Written by: Meru Caldera

A special thanks to the people that were cool enough to review the first chapter. You guys really made my day!

I read over the Fic I had planned to be for Leon's birthday yesterday, and realized I wasn't as pleased with it as I had been a week ago. It needs a major rewrite, the whole structure needs to be changed.

Uh, so anyway, let's just call this chapter Leon/Squall's birthday Fic!

Despite my doubts, the reviewers told me that the first chapter was funny, I doubt this one is though. It's kind of just... Geez, I don't even know what to call this.

Please enjoy.

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Cloud shook his head, declining Scrooge McDuck's fourth offer to let him use his skateboard for free. He walked away from the duck, and over to Leon, who was putting some of the Restoration Committee's building supplies away.

"You know what I don't understand," He asked as he came to stand behind the brunet.

"How necessary lubrication is during anal sex," Leon answered, not missing a beat.

"No." Cloud took a moment to glare at the back of the brunet's head, before continuing. "I don't understand why someone as greedy as Scrooge lets people use his skateboard for free."

"You know what I don't understand?" Leon asked, fastening the tarp over the supplies.

"What?" Cloud asked simply, having drawn a blank when he tried to come up with a witty comment.

Leon turned to face Cloud. "Neck ties."

Cloud blinked "Neck ties?"

"Yup," Leon nodded. "What's the point of them?"

"They make businessmen and other people that wear them look more professional."

"How? They just dangle there. Are they supposed to be symbolic of a penis?"

"What? No!" Cloud exclaimed.

"And they're dangerous," Leon continued.

Cloud quickly recovered from his shock. "How so?"

"They just hang there. What if someone wearing one leans down and gets it caught in a wood chipper?"

"Why would that ever happen?" Though discussions like this were nothing out of the ordinary for Cloud and Leon, the scenario still somewhat threw Cloud for a loop. The way Leon had said it made it sound like someone would lean down and there would just so happen to be a turned on wood chipper there.

Leon would present these wacky scenarios were It was always possible that these things could actually happen, just very unlikely.

"Why wouldn't it happen?"

Cloud pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he was starting to pick up from his brunet boyfriend.

"What if someone wearing a tie was really high up in a tree."

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced. This scenario wasn't going to be a pretty one.

"Their neck tie could catch on a branch as they jump down from where they were. They would be hung. And from the speed that they had been falling at their head would probably come right off."

Cloud winced at the mental image he got.

"And it sure as hell wouldn't be smart to wear one in battle. Your opponent could just grab it and choke you out. Or grab it and use it to pull you closer, so they can stab you in the face."

Cloud's eyes widened. "What is wrong with you?"

"It could happen."

"I know it could, but..." Cloud paused. "You give things way too much thought."

"I have a lot of time to think when I'm repairing things,"

"Too much time," Cloud muttered.

Leon shrugged.

Cloud sighed and smiled softy. No matter how odd and sometimes gruesome these discussions were, he loved them. "I'm going to go home now. Are you done for the day?"

"I still have a few more things to put away. I'll be done in a half an hour or so."

Cloud nodded, taking a step closer to Leon and gently kissing him. "See you then." He winked and walked away.

Leon smirked and waited until Cloud was at the stairs leading out of the Marketplace before yelling, "Hey, Cloud."

"What?" The blond shouted back.

"I want dinner on the table by the time I get home." He grinned when everyone in the Marketplace begun laughing.

"Up yours!" Cloud yelled, before starting down the steps.

Everyone started laughing even harder, making Leon's grin widen.

As he made his way home, Cloud wore a similar grin.

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Thank you to everyone who took the time to read!

Please review.


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